Koneko
by Sum Nacens Scriptor
Summary: Something…weird… happened in China. Let's just say curses and split personalities don't mix.
1. Chapter 1

Nerima

It was raining in Nerima, not an odd event given the time of year. Those caught unawares ducked under awnings and into shops, while others unfurled their umbrellas. A pair of pedestrians who, by act of fate or chaos had no such luck, made their way down Shizuku Lane.

The shorter of the two looked up indignantly at the larger "Koneko still thinks Koneko and Papa should look for Koneko's Master!"

Stopping the the larger person's eyebrows twitched in annoyance "Boy, we aren't looking for her!" Resuming his walk he continued albeit more quietly "And she is not your master."

Compound

A family of four kneeled at the table. The eldest, a man whose long black hair draped over the shoulders of his brown coveralls, held up a postcard to show his daughters. His daughters each has different reactions to what was said on the card. The oldest daughter, Kasumi, politely asked his age. The middle daughter Nabiki was surprised by where the card was sent from. And the youngest, Akane, was dissapointed with the news. Their father, Soun Tendo, stood from is seat at the head of the tablenlit his cigarette and told his daughter that their guests would arrive shortly.

The bell rang at the front gate and Nabiki sprang up, unhampered by the teal kimono she wore.  
"Oh, that must be Ranma!" Her and her father hurried to meet the boy an his father.

Nerima

"Koneko-chan! Koneko-chan! Where is you?!" Shampoo called, her magenta eyes glistening with worried tears. She had lost her "pet", Koneko, and was now searching all over Nerima for her. Deciding to ask around Shampoo turned to a large oaken gate and rang the bell, since her Great-Grandmother had scolded her the last time she had "made" a new door.

Compound

Nabiki opened the door, fully expecting a cute boy, instead she saw the most peculiar girl. She had her waist length lavender hair pulled into odangos framing her petite, and rather cute, face. A long mane of lavender trailed behind her. And a pair of worried magenta eyes peered out under unkempt bangs

"Has you seen Shampoo's Koneko-chan?" The girl now known as said nervously "Shampoo no can find her."  
Confused Nabiki cocked an eyebrow "Pardon?"

"Shampoo no can find her kitty, Koneko-chan," Shampoo said dejectedly  
"Shampoo look and look but no find."

"Um what does Koneko-chan look like?"

Brightening Shampoo said "Koneko-chan about 5'4" and she have cutest little fangs" Shampoo seemed to become quite ditzy when talking of her pet. "And she have big bushy tail. Shampoo write Koneko and phone number on Koneko-chan's collar. It ring bell?"

Thoroughly confused and picturing a five-foot kitten Nabiki shook her head no, and in doing so noticed something out-of-place. "Not to change the subject or anything, but is that a cat-girl?"

Turning to look Shampoo's eyes widened like saucers. "Koneko-chan!"

The cat-girl's ears perked up, shy eyes peering out under sodden crimson bangs. "Master?" Seeing Shampoo she broke into a fanged smile and ran. "Master!"

Glomping Shampoo the cat-girl started purring loudly and caused several (perverted) passers-by (male and female) to lose the hold on consciousness due to nasal blood loss.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to Richard Ryley, without his suggestions this might have taken a lot longer to get out. This one is not, nor will ever be the one who owns the character nor places.

Two months ago, in the Valley of Jusendo.

_"Honey," Shampoo said in her native mandarin. "Are we almost there yet?" She was exhausted. Their honeymoon was good, two months of no guard duty, no jealous glares, and no whacks on the head. _  
_Her fiancee of thirteen years pulled the map out of his sleeve " Almost, Nyucheizu is on the other side of Jusenkyo." They had been engaged since he had won her hand at the age of three..._

Thirteen years ago, Nyucheizu

_She had to win otherwise she'd married at three. Three! she couldn't believe he had challenged her for her. Shampoo ran towards him as fast as he legs would carry her, focused solely on the source of her annoyance, failing to notice the pot-hole between her and tripped just when he had jumped back, sending Shampoo face first into his shoe._  
_Her Great-Great-Grandmother, who was serving as the referee, declared the boy the winner, but due to their age, and the fact that Shampoo was unconscious, that they would have to wait untill they were of age before they held the wedding._

Jusenkyo Two months ago

_Ranma and Genma stood across from each other, looking for weaknesses in the other's stance, or holes' their defense. charging forwards Ranma hand curled into a fist, as he drew his arm back for a punch. spinning on the bamboo, Genma delivered a roundhouse to Ranma, sending him off like a baseball. looking to where he was going Ranma was relieved he was going to land in a pool and not on the dusty ground he took a breath._

_Landing in the pool Ranma felt something, like the whole world grew. He looked to the edge of the pool, seeing how far it was, he decided to call for someone to toss him some rope._

_"NYA! Nyan nya nra nyan!" hearing the sound of those, Ranma started to panic, "NRAWL! NYA NRA NYAN!" Looking around he couldn't find the source of those accursed animals. Feeling something brush his back, Ranma turned around and saw a black cat's butt glaring1 at him. Looking at his hands paws he screamed._

_"NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA!"_

Jusenkyo Guide Office

_"Shampoo!" Plum squealed in Mandarin as she ran up to the older girl and have her a hug."Howwasyourtrip? Didyougetmeanything? Whatdidyousee?"_

_"Woa woa woa! Plum,slow down, your tongue fire." Shampoo said as she stood over the grinning girl. Taking off her backpack she opened it and took out a parcel wrapped in purple paper and tied off with a right pink bow. "I did get you something"_  
_Shampoo said, hiding the parcel behind her back. Just before she took the parcel from behind her a blood curdling shriek echoed across the valley floor._

_"NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA!"_

1 How does a butt glare?


	3. Chapter 3

Note* this chapter is partly from Shampoo's perspective, and she cant understand Japanese yet. So neither can you! (I think...) And Ranma still doesn't know mandarin.

Maonichuan

Shampoo skidded to halt near the edge of the pool, and standing on the edge was a miserable black cat. It's ebony fur stuck out in every direction, giving the cat the appearance of a big black ball of cotton. Listening to her instincts, Shampoo picked up the black puffy kitty not noticing the white gi floating in the pool closest to the cat.

Niucheizu

"Baba! Baba!" Shampoo yelled as she opened the door to her father's house "I found a cat! I found a cat!"

Walking out of the kitchen Shampoo's father sighed. "Shampoo, you remember the last animal you brought home?" Shampoo nods."And do you remember how mad Floss was because you took home her puppy?"

Nodding Shampoo said "I gave her back the puppy..."

"That's not the point."Her father crossed his arms " The point is he probably belongs to someone, and they're probably worried sick bout him."

Looking at her feet shampoo said "He doesn't have a collar..."

Examining the cat's neck, not seeing any kind of collar he sighs " can keep the cat."

In a most Black Star like fashion Shampoo yelled 'YAHOOOOOOOOO!" and ran out of her father's house and to her grandmother's. Not bothering to knock she busted through the door and ran to her great-grandmother's kitchen "Tàipó! Tàipó! Baba said I can have a cat!"

"You finally convinced your father to buy you a pet Shampoo?" Cologne said as she turned from stirring her tea. " My grandson finally gave in to those 'cute lessons' you took from conditioner?"

Turning beet-red Shampoosaid "N-no. I found him near Plum's house and Baba said I could keep him." ' how'd she find out about those' she thought.

"You remember what else is near Plum's house right Shampoo?"

"Yeah Jusen... Oh Come on! I finally get a cat and it's not even cat!" shampoo exclaimed. looking up angrily she growls out "Somebody up there hates me."

Somewhere in Tian, Shangdi sneezed, then wondered of gods can catch a cold.

"Now now, Shampoo, it might be a real cat." Cologne says, "You know gods don't curse people, demons do." In Niflhiem Marller sneezed, rolled over, and went back to sleep.

" So, let's see what your little kitty is." Taking her kettle Cologne pours the hot water over the sleeping cat.

"KYAA! SORE WA ATSUIDESU!" A Naked boy with a low ponytail yelled. Realizing he's naked he covers himself with his hands and says "Ore wa hontōni gomen'nasai! Ore ga setsumei suru koto ga dekimasu! Ore ni hitto shinaide kudasai!"

Sighing cologne tossed him toweland said "Damare to, kore o ue ni oku." After he wrapped the towel around his waist she said "Onamae wa nandesuka? Anata wa akiraka ni Chūgokujin janai."

Looking dow embarrasedly he says "Iya, Ore wa Nihonjindesu. Ore wa Saotome Ranma desu." getting a little suspicious he says "Kisama dare? Jibun wa naze koko ni? Watashi ga oboete iru saigo no mono wa Jusenkyodatta..."

Annoyed Shampoo says "What's he saying? Can't you two speak Chinese like normal people?! "

"Calm down Shampoo. I don't think he speaks Chinese..." but she was cut off before she could finish.

"Tabun Ore wa obore, koreha tengokudesu." Realizing what he said, panic races across his face "Ore wa tengoku ni itara, watashi wa shinda ndakedo, chottomatte! Ore wa shinda koto wa dekimasen! Ore wa madadeatte mo Ni jū-sai janai!

Hitting him over the head to calm the panicking boy down Cologne says "Fuzakeru na! Anata ga shinde inai yo. Anata ga Chūgoku ni iru." hitting him again she says "Sore ga chūdan suru tameda. Inai daremoga anata no nenchō-sha o sonchō suru koto o oshierumashita ka?"

"Onibaba! Kisama wa totemo hādohitto suru hitsuyō wa arimasendeshita!" The boy says Indignantly."Anata, murasaki no shoujo, anata no namae wa nanidesu ka?"

"Huh?"

"He wants t know your name."

"Shampoo"

"Shanpu... Kisama Onibaba? Onamae wanandesuka?"  
Cologne hit him on the head again, and then the whole thing degenrtared from there.

The Next Day

"I don't know howto cure your curse boy." Cologne said as Ranma's face darkened, "but I do know how to alter it. The problem is, I can't remember where the Nannichuan is."

Ranma's face brightens up "Then what'll you use if you cant find the Nannichuan?"

"Nyannichuan. The Spring of drowned girl"

What! Look, don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against girls, but seriously?" Anma said exhasperatedly. " Turnining me into a girl? Keh, I guess it's better than what I change into now"

End Chapter III

Chinese notes  
-Baba: What google says is the translation of papa in chinese. (not sure which chinese...)  
-Tàipó: Chinese for Great-Grandmother  
- Tian: Chinese term for heaven or the cosmos


	4. Chapter 4A

This, and the following chapters, are and will be longer than the previous. This one has had an idea, an idea that might be hilarious. This one's idea draws from WFrose, and maybe a little Noy… But no Telin'u. 'Cause Noy said he's a perv… But then why WFrose… My head hurts…

Now On with the pla… this one meant story... yeah story.. this one totally said story.

_**Last night at the Tendo Residence**_

_"Zaijian" Shampoo said as she left the Tendo home after her story and supper._

_"Bai-bai Master!" from Guess-Who._

_This was possibly the weirdest thing Akane Tendo had ever heard. She was currently sitting across from a cat-girl who, apparently was a part-time boy. This was Mr. Saotome's fault. Though he meant well, in his stupidity actually cursed his son to change into a cat-girl with the application of cold water._

_"Airen okay?" Koneko asked worriedly from across the table._

_Not entirely sure how to answer Akane said "Ah...I'm fine. Go um... go play with the koi or something."_

_Brightening considerably Ranma bounded across the deck, over the backyard and skid to a halt on the rocks next to the koi pond and started to flick her hand in the water in a most feline way. Rising to his feet Mr. Saotome said something about disappointment and weakness, but Akane never paid attention._

_Tired and a bit sweaty from breaking cinderblocks, Akane went upstairs to the bathroom to have a bath. First she went to her room and picked out a her bath supplies and towel, stacking them neatly in a little wooden bucket. After that she went to find her robe, but no matter where she looked she couldn't find it._

_"Oneechan! Do you know where my bathrobe is?" she called "I can't find it."_

_"Yes, I put it in the bathroom." her sister replied._

_"Thanks!"_

_Know knowing the location her errant robe she walked to the bathroom,not noticing the pile of red and black silks on top of the hamper._

_'Man' Ranma thought as he sank in the tub.'If I knew Pop'd pull this one, I'd have stayed in China with the Old Hag and Shampoo.' Hearing someone moving around on the other side of the divider Ranma remembered something 'Dammit all! The door's unlocked!' Standing to go lock the door, he sees the it slide back revealing a butt-nekkid Akane._

_"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!""WHO ARE YOU?!" They shouted in unison. Realizing they're both naked as the day they were born the turn back to back._

_"I-I'm sorry." Ranma said, blushing violently."I forgot to put up the "occupied" sign. Don't hit me too hard, please."_

_Her brain finally catching up with her, Akane stuttered out. "You're Ranma right?"_

_"Yes"_

_"Well LOCK THE DOOR NEXT TIME IDIOT!" Akane screamed slapping his face from behind, before storming off to her room, wearing nothing but a towel._

_**Akane's Room, this Mour...Morning**_

Waking up,groggily Akane yawned."That was a weird dream." sitting up she feels something wrapped around her midsection. pulling back the blankets she sees Koneko hugging her contentedly."KY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Hearing the scream everyone ran upstairs skidding to a halt Nabiki opened her sister's room, to see Koneko rubbing her head against Akane. Trying to pry off Koneko, Akane said "Don't just stand there! Help me!"

Kasumi walked into her little sister's room and put her hand on Koneko's shoulder. "Breakfast is ready Koneko-chan."

Koneko's eyes widened like platters. "Really?"

"Yes Koneko-chan, I made miso soup and rice"

"Is Airen coming?" Koneko asked akane, unconsciously using the "Kitten's Eyes of Doom".'

Grouchily Akane said "Yes".

"Yay!" getting off of Akane Koneko walked down stairs with the rest of the family while Akane change out of her pyjamas.

Kasumi had just finished setting the table when Akane sat a the table. together the family said grace and started to eat. This would be almost like a normal breakfast except for what was going on on the far end of the table. Koneko leaned over her bowl of miso soup and was lapping it up like a cat with a saucer of milk. Finding this odd, Soun said "Ranma, please use the chopsticks."

Looking up from her bowl Koneko answered "Why? Master said Koneko doesn't have to, and master is always right."

"And what would you say if I told you she was wrong?" Soun said, getting slightly annoyed.

"Koneko would say Daimakaicho-sama invited all the demons for a snowman -making-contest." Koneko said cheerfully.

"This is entertaining and all,"Nabiki interrupted "but it's almost time for school."

"Now that we're staying in one place" Genma added. "You have to go to school with Nabiki and Akane, Boy."

With sparkling eyes Koneko put her fists under her chin and said "Really? With Airen?

"Yes with Akane."

"Change back though" Akane groused "I don't want people to see some girl trying to glomp me."

"'Kay Airen!" Koneko chirped (Cats don't chirp, Do they?) " Can Koneko have some warm water? Please?" again utilizing the "Kitten's Eyes of Doom*"

_**Shoko Maki Street**_

Nabiki had went ahead, leaving Akane and Ranma alone together.

"Just remember, we're strangers okay? " Akane said sourly.

"And you're telling me?" Ranma said from his perch on a chain-link fence.

Grouchily Akane continued "I don't want you hanging around me all the time while we're in school, do you understand?'

"Don't worry about that; I can't stand tomboys like you!"

More out of surprise than anger Akane eloquently replies"Hn!" Before she even has her briefcase ready to throw, Genma dashes out from…. somewhere… and bashes Ranma on the back of his head.

"HEY! what di'ja do that for?!"

"Listen Ranma, you're in no position to be picky about women!" Genma continues as Akane blinked owlishly "Listen, Ranma, I've told you a thousand times…" But before Genma could continue his rant, his son hooks hi foot around Genma's and knocks him off of the fence and into the canal below. "OWOAH!"

"Hey! What's wrong Pop? Weren't you gonna say something?" Ranma teased from his perch. Enraged Genma -now a large panda with glasses hanging on it's left ear- started to chase his son along the fence. Just to annoy Genma further Ranma didn't run, nor did he walk; instead he shimmied along with his back to Akane, who stood gawking at the rather comedic sight before her. Just as the panda was about to slash him, Ranma somersaulted off of the fence and landed on the sidewalk opposite the fence "What a lame attack." he said in boredom.

Unbeknownst to him an old lady - who was, in her defense, nearsighted- was too far down her walkway, and (maybe) accidentally splashed him as she washed it.

"AIREN!" Koneko squealed as she glomp-tackled Akane "Airen take Koneko on date now, yes?"

Looking on from the opposite side of the street Genma took out a wooden sign that had two words. these two words perfectly summed up exactly how he -and Akane - felt.

"Oy vey…"

**_Front Gates of Furinkan Koukou_**

A large group of boys dressed in all manner of sports attire stood talking, joking and generally being teen aged boys.

"... will you let go already!" Akane ask in a pseudo-calm voice "We're almost to the gate! Let go!" Her voice darkening. " Get OFF!"

Upon hearing this, the group of boys talking stopped, and the all turned their attention to the gates…

...And what they saw was what some of the most memorable stories were made of. But, keep in mind, These stories would be right at home in a volume of Icha Icha. The boy who managed to hold stem the wave of unconsciousness and blood that washed over the grope… I mean group felt their hearts sink to their feet when they realized the implications of what they saw. Akane Tendo was a damn lesbian, or so it appeared.

"But earthlier happy is the rose distilled.

Than that which withering on the virgin thorn

Grows, lives, and dies in single blessedness"

The mystery voice steps out from behind a tree, revealing a brown-haired teen dressed in a Kendo uniform. " These.. weaklings, such a boorish lot, truly,"The previously clear sky began to darken, like pitch seeping through the azure sky."They fought for the privilege of your company, Akane, if they could manage to defeat you, that is. What fools these mortals be."

Annoyedly Akane said "Oh Kuno, excuse me." running to the side she was stopped.

"Oh, though she be but little she is fierce." raising his bokken he continued Wilt thou spar with me?"

"Stick-Boy no take Koneko's Airen!"

Finally opening his eyes he notices that his 'love' is not alone he says "pardon?"

"Stick-Boy not take Akane! She Koneko's airen!"

Now, Kuno doesn't know how to deal with this. 'I was suppose to finally win her hand! Not be stopped by some wanton harlot! She must be stopped, lest she defile the fierce tigress, Akane tendo!' And because he didn't know how to deal with it, he delved into the shallows of his mind to solve the riddle prostrate before him. now unbeknownst to him, Akane, and by extension, Koneko, had passed him when he was lost in -what passed for- thought.

_**End of part A.**_

*- "Kitten's Eyes of Doom": A highly effective disarming maneuver. The user's eyes enlarge and the the user looks at you with unshed tears shining in their eyes. This technique was invented and perfected by Mitsukuni Haninozuka, of the Haninozuka Dojo.


	5. Chapter 4b

_**Part B "The Secret Arts of the Pupil" and "The Kitchen Incident"**_

_**Furinkan Koukou; Class 4-B**_

It was a was a usual, quiet Monday morning for Class 4-B. Keyword: Was. When Akane Tendo walked through the gates, Class 4-B gathered at the windows to see how long it would take this morning. What the saw was nothing short of awkward. When the boys, and a girl or two had returned from stopping off their noses, their homeroom teacher, Ishida-Sensei came into his classroom.

"Let GO!" they heard Akane yell from the hall "Stop it! It's embarrassing!" As she came through the door, Class 4-B saw the source of her annoyance. Koneko was hanging off of Akane's left arm and looking up (she is really short) at Akane lovingly.

The class was torn between two reactions. The girls squealed at Koneko's cuteness, and the boys nearly fainted because the way Koneko held Akane's arm was rather… squishy.

Clearing his throat "Class, we have a new student joining us today. His... um, her name is Ranma Saotome, and she, um, he has recently come back from a trip to China."

Raising his hand, Daisuke asked " Ishida-Sensei, how come you kept changing the pronouns? The new girl is just that, a girl."

"When Kasumi called yesterday," Ishida-Sensei answered pinching his nose "The informed me of something... odd about Ranma."

"Little Miss Annoying here is supposed to be a boy."An annoyed Akane said, trying to pry Koneko off of her arm.

Collectively the entirety of Class 4-B tilted their heads to the right and said "Oro?"

"Ranma's dad got the cursed while they were in China," Akane answered annoyingly, still trying to remove the cat-girl. "And you have to have to pour warm water on hit to fix him."

"And that's why Kasumi asked me to keep a kettle and hot plate in the classroom." Ishida-Sensei said taking the Kettle off of the hotplate by his desk, pouring it over Koneko's head.

Dropping off of Akane the newly-male Ranma started blabbing apologies, and trying not to get told off again. "Sorry, Akane." he said.

" Ranma, you'll sit besides Akane." Ishida-Sensei said, while taking out the English book. "Alright class, turn to page 40"

_**Tendo Compound**_

They plotted in darkness, silently planning their next move. Swearing not to tell a soul, they vanished into the shadows. Then the panda tripped, landing on the man and girl, resulting in an awkward pile of grumbles and embarrassment.

Walking to the dojo to find the source of the noise, Kasumi turned on the light to find Shampoo, her father and a panda-fied Mr. Saotome wrapped in a scroll, and flailing around like a drunk fish on land. Not wanting to touch the situation with a thirty-nine-and a-half-foot pole, she walked away before the took notice.

Going into the kitchen, Kasumi took her purse and bag, and left for the local market to try to forget the horrible implications of the horrible perversity in the dojo. Silently thanking her good luck, Kasumi made her way out of the gates, trying to purge her mid of the scene in the dojo. Maybe she'd se Tofu-Sensei, He was always so silly!

_**Shoko Maki Street **_

Akane walked behind Ranma, trying to apologize for the baseball to the face. He was acting like it was nothing but she knew the nurse didn't send them to Tofu-Sensei's clinic for nothing. Praying Kasumi wasn't there she lead her (for her) reluctant fiance past Yamanaka-San's house. Felling Ranma's hand shift in hers Akane felt her heart drop. This was the fifth time today!

"Airen!"Koneko squealed, glomping Akane. Bumping her slightly swollen cheek against Akane's arm, Koneko yipped, "Ouch!" rubbing her cheek, She asked she slyly asked "Will Airen Kiss Koneko's cheek better?"

Twitching, Akane resisted the urge to flatten the cat-girl at her side. "No, I won't."

Pouting cutely Koneko asked "Wynaut Why not?"

Sighing, Akane didn't answer and just lead her soggy feline fiancee to Tofu-Sensei's.

Koneko wondered, '_Why doesn't Airen like Koneko? Koneko is always nice to Airen and shows Airen that Koneko loves her. Koneko even asked if Airen wanted to kiss her better! Master's Airen would do everything to make Master better, but at least Airen is taking her to the doctor.' _Realizing something Koneko's eyes widened, the a sly grin crept across her face. She'd need Master's help for this._. 'Airen's just shy!'_

_**Tofu's Acupuncture, Chiropractic and Moxibustion**_

Humming Kasumi walked into Tofu-Sensei's, hoping his antics could help her to forget what the evening's shopping list couldn't. Seeing her little sister and her currently feminine feline fiancee she gave a little wave as she opened the door.

Internally groaning seeing Kasumi entering Tofu-Sensei's, Akane slowed down, hoping against hope that Kasumi wasn't going to be long.

Not noticing anything Koneko wondered _'Where will Koneko get a pink frilly apron?__'_

Slowly walking through the doors of Tofu-Sensei's clinic, with a pondering Koneko in tow Akane nervously sat on a chair in the lobby. Not noticing who was sitting behind the receptionist's desk Akane asked "Can we see Tofu-Sensei?"

"Go on, Tofu-Sensei's free." The conspicuously lavender haired receptionist said, not looking up from her _Shoujo Beat. _

Unfortunately for Koneko and Akane, Kasumi was in the office, well not quite chatting,but with Tofu-Sensei. Due to an unfortunate talent show (read hypnosis) accident when Kasumi was in tenth grade, Tofu has lost his ability to stay coherent in her presence, and no-one has ever got her to snap her fingers around him. So now whenever the are in the same room, as one patient described it_" __To go in there now, for an exam, could cost you your life!"_

Suffice to say, the results of Koneko's exam were... less than healthy.

_**Tendo Compound, A Half-Hour Later**_

A crooked-necked cat-girl and a grouchy Tendo slumped down next to the table, slowly scooping out a bowl of beef ramen. Kasumi knelt at the head of the table, trying not to look at her father or Mr. Saotome. Mr.'s Saotome and Tendo sat idly saying something about the "Terrible Takoyaki Incident" and how their respective girlfriends never let them live it down. Silently at her corner of the table Nabiki fiddled with her abacus, plotting how to make Kuno-chan look like an ass next. Slowly the pot of ramen dwindle down, Ranma regained his birth gender and straightened his neck. As everyone was getting up, Soun stood and cleared his voice...

**ふふふふふ****... ****僕 は 新世界 の 神 だ*****! ! **

Akane couldn't believe it. Her father had chosen to take Mr. Saotome over her! His own daughter!... well... she couldn't blame him, they hadn't seen each other in ten years. If she went ten years without seeing her best friend she'd probably go crazy!... Wait a minute... Never mind. Still! Akane was his daughter!

Meanwhile, in his room, Ranma looked through his backpack, hoping to find a raincoat. _"postcard, postcard, money, pot_(No, not weed moron!)_, hammer, rope, scroll with a really big knot, salmon... wait scroll with a really big knot?" _

Looking at the scroll, he tried to undo the knot, but it it slipped off the end on the scroll. Not noticing he still worked at the knot. It took him three hours, but he did it, and at the end he noticed that the scroll was at his feet and face-palmed. Unrolling the scroll it read **"Seito no Himitsu Geijutsu: Otsukai sensei o uchi makasu suru hoho o**" **

Grinning like the Cheshire Cat, Ranma dashed down the stairs, out the back door, across the walkway, and into the dojo. Unfurling the scroll he found the first technique, _Konohagakure Hiden Taijutsu __Ōgi: Sennen Goroshi._ Finding a practice dummy as specified, he began to read the execution of the technique. _"Horse stance, Ram-Seal. Lower hands to right hip, run to back of the target. Channel all of your strength into your arms and thrust the Ram-Seal into the enemy's anus... Wait what!"_

Not believing what he read he re-read the paragraph and diagram. He still mastered it. Next came the second , shorter-named technique _Koso wo***. _

Again he couldn't believe what he had read. _"Raise hands to head level, in a claw-like position. Get your opponent to focus on your hands. Kick them in the crotch." _Deciding to show his scroll to Akane, he took it into the house. Through Akane's reaction to the rather... desperate nature of the "techniques" they learned that spit-takes can, and will, trigger Jusenkyo curses.

"See Airen, it take oddball to come up with these."Koneko said. Seeing an opportunity to execute her plan, Koneko continued "Airen want to take bath? Koneko will heat up water, yes?

Somewhat calmed down from her laughing fit, Akane sniffed her armpit, wrinkled her nose and agreed. She ad spent three hours in the dojo after all. Grinning giddily, Koneko dashed up the stairs and started to run the water for her fiance's bath.

_**One Hour Later**_

Walking out of the bath Akane, dressed in a floor-length bathrobe, made her way to her room. Hearing the doors open and close, Koneko put the finishing touches on lunch and her "special apron" on herself. Akane hummed quietly and tried to find her other sock by, quite unsuccessfully, groping around under her bed.

"Airen! Lunch ready!"

Not without reason, the exclamation had startled Akane, thus causing her to hit her head on the bed. "Dammit! I'm coming!"

Taking a few steps Akane realized something. _'Kasumi's gone to the hot springs with everyone, so who? Ranma! I hope the weirdo can cook something other than camp food.'_

Stepping into the dinning room Akane saw the best presentation of food she had ever seen. The smell gently wafted through the air, mixing with the smell of steeping tea, making Akane's mouth water. Sitting on her cushion she picked looked at her plate and saw a perfectly presented boiled crab. And on another, a steaming bowl of shrimp ramen. Next to that was a platter full of sushi and sauces. In short it was a massive, and perfect, Fisherman's Platter. Barely worth mentioning was the little pet-bowl of fish scraps by the table leg, but Akane never saw that.

Koneko cheerfully trotted out of the kitchen, wearing just an apron. Cheerfully she chirped "Airen eat when she ready. Koneko make just for her!"

"Um... thanks..." akane answered, not sure how to accept such a large gift.

* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I will be the GOD of this New World! I inserted this for no reason.

**The Secret Art of the Pupil: How to Defeat your Master

***Tiger Claws, if you don't know what this is, watch _"The New Guy"_


End file.
